Weighing My Life
I carry my grief with me
I carry my love with me
Unbalanced by my feelings
Split in two
Tears know no difference
The salt tastes the same
I am no longer whole
Broken apart by loss
Hope for stitching together
The torn seams of my life
Hope that one day
Love will weigh more than grief.
Poems
John's Birthday
Your birthday just passed
Where are you, I ask
I feel you within me
You are my guide
Nudging my side
I try not to mourn
Grateful you were born
How long shall you be gone
I’ll wait for you
By the lemon tree
Sounds of Silence
I was married to a very loud man
Who laughed and grumbled and chattered away
He tinkered with tools to saw and to sand
His voice and his giggle came to stay
Our home neither quiet nor dull - but crammed
With ideas exchanged and what happened today.
How I miss the sound of life that can
Happen when love gets time to play.
Laughing, loving, lively was he
Lonely am I
Losing himself into all he’d do
Loving him took my heart and brain
Last one to stop playing - he went on
Long ago I learned this is him
Let him go I think
Let me go he willed
Lovingly we embraced.
And So It Goes
Babies crying
Sleep comes
Oceans roar
Tides change
Anger flames
Peace reigns
Music blasts
Notes rest
Life screams
Death silences
The Audacity of Hope
Hope dares to edge in
Brave and bold
Without regard to danger
Forgetting to announce herself
How dare she?
Hope knows no boundaries
For what are we without her?
Necessary to our hearts
Needed by our brains
She doesn't give up
Doesn't give in
Wraps us in her loving arms
To see beyond the tears
To live beyond the fears.
We feel the soft silence of the peace she brings us.
Gone With The Wind
I lost his ring
On my finger
I should have known
It could not linger
My finger was just too slim
Sadness overtook me
I no longer wore John
Looking for where it could be
Giving up to the fates that took his body
That took his brain
His ring has gone just the same.
Maybe it returned to him
Gratitude
I look back on my life
And see love
It fills my heart
And makes me remember
So many hugs and I love yous
So many children for me to cherish
Thankful for my family
Thankful for my life
Thankful for my John
Hard Times
Why did you think I could do this
I cannot be without you
Why did you think I was strong enough
I never said I could
You should have asked me
You said I’d be okay
I cannot do this
It is just too hard - this stuff.
Absence
No tears for years
Now everyday
Joy has taken flight
I try with all my might
But he is gone away
And taken my smiles today
How shall I ever find peace
In a heart that is broken.
Joy
Comfort
Love
Safety
All gone
All lost
Loving Him
He’s losing himself
I’m losing my heart
He’s trying so hardI
’m helping him try
He’s showing his pain
I feel his futility
He gives me his love
I take all I can get.
Hope Stones
I collect hope stones
Hoping to find hope
What will it look like
When hope is near
How will I know I have hope
Slipping through my fingers
Fragile to hold on to
Sometimes a moment
Feels good
Sometimes a thought
Tells me it’s okay
And then it is gone
I shall keep looking
For more hope stones
Maybe one day I will find the right one